Pandemic

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Parents of the Tiny Humans are Tired

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First there was a pandemic which closed schools and daycares, and forced parents to be fulltime caregivers while also working full time with no breaks. And if you happened to get sick, you still had to take care of those children while you maybe couldn’t get out of bed yourself.

Then the country reopened almost a year before there were vaccines for little kids to keep them safer.

Then because everyone was sick of precautions and had weakened immune systems from the pandemic, there is a tri-demic of Covid and Flu and RSV going around, all of which is particularly terrifying for small children.

Life These Days

Is this just life now? None stop crisis on top of crisis? Never enough time to be caught up? I swear it wasn’t this hard pre pandemic… but then again we had less children, pets, everything back then. I know it’s a season and I’m trying very hard to lean into this season and just enjoy it for what it is.

And if it was just craziness related to schedules and tantrums and general living with small people, I think it would be easier to understand. But it definitely feels like more lately. Covid is hitting more often and closer than before, which is stressful. It’s really hard to sit in a work meeting listening to your boss tell you that it’s no big deal when you’ve got a friend with a baby in the hospital. When you have two friends who have lost parents to Covid and your parents are home sick, hours away from you. When you have friends who are dealing with long Covid, and how it impacts their life every single day.

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Underwater

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I’m not sure I can fully express the burnout that we’re feeling. And I know it’s not just us - when I get together with other parents now, all we talk about is how hopeless we feel, how exhausted, how angry, how done we are. How we can’t possibly keep going another day, but we have no end in sight. We’re all struggling so much, but also dealing with a ton of guilt, because we feel like we can’t complain, because we chose to have these children. We even hoped and prayed for them.

I’m not sure any of us expected life to be like this though. A never ending pandemic where no one cares about keeping kids safe. Work that expects you to devote all your free time to working as if you don’t have kids, and barely pays you enough to combat inflation or pay for daycare. Daycare where we have to send our children so we can work, but they’re all so understaffed and burnt out themselves dealing with this pandemic, they have to keep shutting down.

Ongoing Pandemic

As this pandemic continues on and on and on, one thing I’m very sick of is how long I spend searching for things. Do we even remember fully stocked shelves anymore? When a shopping trip meant you knew you’d be able to cross everything off your list? Because so many people in the world are still getting sick and missing work, it’s really messed with the supply chain. Apparently these things were hanging in a precarious balance that could easily be tipped. Current things I’ve been unable to find or am having a hard time finding: baby formula, tampons and contact solution. All completely random things that I don’t feel like I could predict, but all things that are essential. Which means when you can’t find them, your life is interrupted while you spend all of your extra time and energy to find these things. Extra time and energy that you didn’t really have in the first place. It’s soul sucking.

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Never Ending

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None of this is new, and I’m certainly not alone in struggling, but I feel like it needs to be repeated. So much of the country (world?) has moved on. They’ve declared the pandemic over. Masks are gone, people are going to concerts and eating at restaurants and working in the office. Everything is supposed to magically go back to “normal.”

Except.

It’s not true if you’ve got small children.

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Happy Bunnies

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I don’t even know how to describe life right now. Some moments are calm and I’m so content my eyes well up with happy tears looking at my big beautiful family. Some are so chaotic that I can’t catch my breath and I’m constantly running and I don’t know if my kids are fine or if I’m failing them. And some days I feel like everything I’m doing is wrong and I’m definitely failing them. So I guess if I give you an answer one day and you don’t like the answer, just ask again a few minutes later?

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A Trip, Two Years Late

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I really never thought it would happen. I refused to pack suitcases, I didn’t have a rental car booked - I was so sure that something would go wrong and we’d cancel again. I was having some major flashbacks to the last time too. When we had our paper chain countdown going, and I had to throw it away before we reached the end, and then sit my two year old down and tell him that we’d be staying home for a while.

So I guess this post is fitting to follow the last one. I wish I could say it’s a triumph over the pandemic, but it’s not. We still have a 60% unvaccinated household, although I hold out hope that will change by this summer. But maybe we’re slowly finding a way to live with this pandemic. To find a way to live but also be safe? I hope that’s the case.

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The Pandemic Post

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I’ve thought about writing this post a million times, but since we were IN it, it felt like maybe I should wait. Until it was over. Now I’m beginning to wonder if it ever will be over. And the before time, it’s so far away now, that it’s hard to remember.

So here is a very messy, probably very long, in between post about this pandemic we’re living through. Because some day our kids might ask. Because it’s probably not a bad idea to write down some memories. To reflect on the craziness. I’m going to break it up into sections - it probably won’t make it any shorter, but maybe easier for me to write.

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Small Updates

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Sometimes I feel like there’s nothing to update because every day seems the same, but at the same time everything changes so quickly that I have too much to share. Like E’s favorite song lately is Rihanna’s Umbrella (because what a cool thing to sing about!) and G’s favorite song is ABCDEFU (“She sings it wrong!”).

The baby baby is suddenly huge. I looked at her the other day and almost didn’t recognize her face. It doesn’t help that I think daycare has been brushing her hair so it doesn’t always stick straight up anymore, but suddenly she has these big cheeks too! She’s also huge, I just weighed her and she’s about 17 lbs which means she’s moved up a diaper size and a sleep sack size, but long gone is my tiny ity baby. It’s okay, because she’s almost entering a really fun phase, where she’ll be able to sit and play with us, and she’s starting to get really excited about food. I still don’t really have the energy to want to feed her table food even daily, but occasionally she’ll get to chew on something we’re eating and so far she loves it. And if not, she just chews on my shirt instead.

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This Season

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Nothing about this pandemic makes sense to me anymore, but one of the more annoying things is that some daycares let parents into the buildings while others do not. I understand the logic, and I’m not someone who’s going to fight against people who are trying to keep my children safe, but I will admit that it would be so much easier if I was allowed inside the building.

Yes I’d like to be able to see what’s going on in my children’s classroom, and be able to check that they have enough extra clothes that still fit them and if the baby needs more diapers or not, but also because it would be easier to gather everything. It would be nice to be able to strap the baby into car seat and gather all the things that need to go back and forth every day from inside a building. And not in the cold or the rain.

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Expectations

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As a parent, it’s easy to get an idea in your head about how things might go, or how you’d like them to go. I see it a lot this time of year when everyone is booking family photos and thinking of upcoming holiday cards. For example I might think that if I buy matching pjs and book photos with a Santa early in November, we could have a cute photo for our card. I might even think I’m being flexible when I consider the possibility that the baby would be crying, because that might make a funny card.