Sleepy Spearsons

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A Small Light of Optimism

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I don’t think it’s a secret that life has been hard for us lately. Really hard.

It’s not that we didn’t expect life with 3 small children to be difficult, but I think in my mind it was going to get easier when the youngest hit 18 months (which granted she’s not quite yet), and in early January we realized it felt like NOTHING was even getting close to better. In fact the past 6 months have felt the hardest we’ve ever had as parents, which is saying a lot.

I think we did okay the first year of having 3, but then everything started to change and it all chipped away at our equilibrium bit by bit. Work called us both back into the office, which directly took away time from our day to do things like laundry, or clean, or cook meals. And then sleep got worse. Our wonderful sleepers suddenly weren’t sleeping like they used to. Sickness hit over and over again, too. We went from having children in one school to two. The baby started walking and got older and her siblings saw her solely as a person who messes up their toys. Winter hit and we couldn’t go outside as much.

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A tale of Two Christmases

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What do you focus on when it comes to Christmas? Do you walk away with rosy glasses on, remembering all the best moments and declaring it the best Christmas ever? Or do you focus on what went wrong, the disappointments and tears? Honestly, I kind of want to remember both. So here you have it, a tale of two Christmases:

The Good:

On Christmas Eve we exchanged sibling gifts, which gave them something to play with, but also caused them to get more excited about the random things they picked for each other (although they both ended up getting each other a paw patrol playset). We’d also had them pick out Christmas cards to give each other and Tom and I, which was a nice easy introduction into gifting presents to other people. It was pretty cute to see what cards they’d picked out thinking we’d like. We also spent a lot of time watching Christmas movies and cuddling on the couch.

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Quick Update

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Oh hi, it’s me.

I’ve been silent because life is insane lately. Work is horrible and overwhelming and there’s so much going on I could be working around the clock. Luckily I know how to set a strong boundary, but that just means that my boss is cranky and I’m pissed and everyone is miserable. But yes, let’s take on some more projects.

So I tend to leave work not in the best mood, to go pick up a Kindergartener who feels similar, and then we throw on some kids home from a long day of daycare and everyone could use a little grace lately. And some 1:1 Mama time (which is nearly impossible to come by). We were rescued during Veteran’s day weekend when my parents and Aunt Linzy came to visit. Besides the kids being thrilled, it gave us just enough breathing room for me to relax a bit and Tom to cross some things off our lists and leave us feeling a little less like we were drowning. I’m hopeful Thanksgiving will do the same.

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Trip North

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We did manage a bit of a trip recently, because I’m still set on giving my children the experiences they deserve, no matter how exhausted I am. So we took our first trip to Vermont since F was born. The older two love running around outside and spending time with their grandparents, and look forward to the trip every summer. Baby F had an amazing time too, and I’m pretty sure was ready to become a country kid.

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The Crazy Sets In

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We’re creeping up on our two year anniversary of being home. Our two year anniversary of our two week home quarantine. There’s a whole lot of feelings that accompany that, but right now I’m more focused on the fact that I’m going crazy. Two years of not really leaving your house will do that, I’m sure. But here’s the clear evidence: we decided to potty train and sleep train at the same time. I’m not sure how or why this happened, but this is where we’ve found ourselves. We had grand plans to send the third child to daycare so we’d have some time at home to focus a bit more, but daycare messed up those plans. They claimed that one child was sick, so they sent home the whole family. Fine policy in theory I guess, but this is the second time they’ve done that, and we’ve yet to see an actual sick kid. Apparently one of the tiny ones have discovered an easy way to make the teacher believe they’re “sick” and get sent home. I really thought I had years before this level of treachery.

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Smile With the Rising Sun

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Everyone knows that having a newborn means you’re not getting a ton of sleep, but you do spend a lot of time watching someone who is. I guess I could get jealous of all that quality sleep the baby is getting, but instead my mind wandered to another spot - how amazing it is to be a baby that gets to feel so secure and safe at all times. Due to both of us being home on leave right now, this baby spends almost 24 hours a day in direct contact with one of us. Assuming you believe that a newborn can smell their parents, what an awesome gift we’re able to give to let her know we’re always there.

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A Few Firsts

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So these probably aren’t the normal first that we usually celebrate, but we’ll mention them here just the same. They’re still a part of life, and worth documenting.

Starting with, a first for our eldest tiny human - E’s first bee sting! For some a childhood rite of passage, while others reach adulthood without ever getting stung. Oddly enough I had just been talking to my best friend about how her daughter (and one of E’s best friends) had stepped on a bee two days earlier and gotten stung. I never imagined that he’d be following right behind her!

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Starting Off the New Year

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Phew.  We made it. 

A first birthday and Christmas all at once was a lot.  Plus daycare being closed and no work and what day is it?  We’re all back to our normal routines now, whatever that is. 

Because normal changes.  A new year means new work assignments and schedules, new car challenges, new teachers, new projects to tackle…

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Post Christmas Days

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Here's the funny thing about sleep regressions. You forget about the little ones. Everyone talks about the 4 month sleep regression, but there are small ones that happen all the time. You forget about that panic that you have, the thoughts that this will never end or get better. It feels like no one will ever sleep again, and you will die from exhaustion.

And then it magically goes back to normal, and you forget about those days.

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Still Here

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My goal was to write a post about how tired I am, and explain that’s why I haven’t been posting much anywhere. But I’m so tired it seems overwhelming to do this?

That’s what happens. When I’m tired, overwhelmed, or haven’t had enough down time, my creative brain goes away. I can barely think or form sentences, let alone do anything additional.

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Baby G is His Own Person

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G is a very different baby than E was. Two years in, we feel like we understand our toddler pretty well. We know how to comfort him, how to put him back to sleep if he wakes up, what makes him happy and what doesn’t. And it’s lead us to a false sense of confidence that we know babies/children in general.

But G is a very different baby.

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Five Months

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Didn’t I just post one of these? This month FLEW by. I wish I could say it’s because you’re sleeping, but nothing is consistent there. We actually started out the month with you sleeping through the night and doing GREAT, but then you started rolling and hit your 4 month sleep regression and everything changed. You can’t really roll from your belly to your back, so that makes you incredibly angry in the middle of the night, and you’re still trying to figure out what to do with your hands. So we’re all tired. So tired.

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Today is Friday

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I’ve officially fallen into the maternity leave vortex. All day yesterday I was SURE it was Wednesday. Because the day before it was definitely Tuesday. Except it wasn’t, and yesterday was Thursday. I almost showed up to the police department to get the car seats checked, but luckily I was too tired yesterday because they only check car seats on Wednesdays.

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The (hopeful) End of an Era

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Of course I know I could be jinxing myself by writing this, but I’m really, really hoping we’ve finally put an end to the false fire alarms in our house! They’ve been going off randomly pretty much since we moved in. Sometimes a humidifier will set them off, sometimes we don’t know why. Almost always in the middle of the night though. And while E used to sleep through them, he’s reached an age where he’ll wake up screaming.

I’m pretty sure they’ve given him a bit of PTSD too. Every night before bed he points at them and goes “Beep!” and waves bye-bye. Every morning he wakes up and points at them. And a few nights ago he woke up screaming and pointing at the one in his room. UGH.

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I Need a Vacation

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Oh so much.

Life is busy, I'm tired, I've got things on my mind that make me worry a lot, and what I need is a nice long vacation to get away from it all! Luckily I won't need to wait too long, but that also means I need to add packing to my ever growing list... which kind of cancels out the fun of a vacation.