Although most days I'm back to feeling like myself - calm, level headed, in control, uncaring about obnoxious people - there are still occasional days where I can't turn it off. The anxiety that has popped up sporadically since giving birth makes a reappearance and there seems to be nothing to do but wait it out.
The mom guilt is real, y'all.
What do you do when there's only two options, and both of them have negative consequences? There is no winning no matter what you choose. Do you make a choice and move on? Or do you cry yourself to sleep trying to figure out what the magical third option that doesn't exist is, and wonder why you didn't do that instead?
Today's not a great day, for various reasons. The obnoxious thing is I'm no longer certain of my own feelings - am I really upset over something, or is it being amplified by my hormones? I used to hate it when people claimed their hormones were affecting their emotions because it seemed like BS to me. It didn't happen to me.
I've been meaning to write something like this for a while, but have been struggling to put my thoughts together. And struggling with if I even wanted to share. And then once I think about sharing, the sheer amount of stuff I want to talk about comes pouring out.
Being a parent is hard. And I struggle a lot with if I'm editing too much to make it look all sunshine and rainbows, and leaving out some of the harder parts. Because the last thing I want to do is make someone else feel bad because they think that I have it all together when in reality I don't.