I'm exhausted.

And not from lack of sleep. The baby has actually been sleeping okay lately (except for 4 am parties in his crib). It's not that kind of tired. It's more a worn down exhaustion that comes from being the favorite person of a two year old.

From the moment he wakes up, he wants me and only me. Actively playing and listening and not lying down or being distracted at all. It's awesome and great for your self esteem, but after 5 days, I desperately needed a break.

I hear "Maaa-maaaa!" all day long. And when Tom tries to step in, because he often does try, we get "no dah!!!" or "no baby!" if I dare try and hold my other child. (Who is his own sort of exhausting that you can only know after spending two hours shoving food in his mouth as fast as you can while he screams at you to go faster).

So I lift him in and out of his high chair. I run around chasing him in circles. I change his diapers. I wipe his face. I play trucks with him and color and hunt for bunnies and help him jump. I love that I can make him so happy, but it is a lot of pressure. It also means I can let him down really easily if I dare do something like go to the bathroom when he wants me to “do cooking” with him.

My muscles ache. I’m hunched over from looking down at him all day. My arms hurt from lifting both of them all day long. My stomach aches as I realize I’ve forgotten to eat or drink water all day. I know it’s this period in life. They’ll never be so little, or need me more than they do now. And I know that I’ll miss it when it’s gone. So in the meantime I repeat that over and over in my head as I crawl across the hard floor on my knees and sing to my toddler.

But I will also admit that after 5 days home, Tom and I are both so tired. Work seems like a vacation, and we cheer when both kids are down for the night.

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