Hello! It’s me, a fully functioning adult, and I’m here to talk about things besides the tiny humans that I live with. I know, crazy right?
I went back to work this week. It’s a little weird because it’s 6 weeks earlier than last time, and I keep expecting myself to be at the same spot that I was when I went back to work after E. But it’s only been 10 weeks since I gave birth, and it was my second pregnancy, and labor was harder on my body this time, so I’m not quite the same. I am feeling great, but not 100% “normal” and I’m still searching for clothes that fit. Maybe I’ll never get exactly back to where I was, but I need to keep reminding myself that it hasn’t been THAT long.
My hormones are still crazy, my hair is shedding everywhere, and I’m crying at elephant documentaries. I may be out of the house and acting normally, but I’m still wearing elastic clothes and slip on shoes most days. I put my contacts in for the first time in two months and E couldn’t stop poking my eyes, wondering where the glasses had gone.
As weird as it feels to be back at work, I am very thankful for the opportunity that we’ve been given that is allowing Tom to take some time off. It’s something that more companies need to get on board with (and the amount of time still isn’t enough), but it’s an amazing gift that Tom will get 6 weeks at home to bond with and take care of our baby. Which will then in turn give me another 6 weeks to use afterwards. It’s still not going to get us to the date we need to get to before we have a daycare spot (which don’t even get me started on that because I have NO IDEA WHAT WE’RE GOING TO DO), but it’s something.
It’s also giving me a chance to break up my leave and go talk to some adults for a bit. I actually really like the people I work with. They’ve been a family to me for almost 15 years now. That’s a long time. And so I like being able to see them, talk to them, and also to stretch my brain! It’s so important for me to have time to think and create. I could never be a stay at home parent. My brain goes to mush when I’m home all day. I think I actually get less done the more time I’m given.
I’m still missing my time to create, but that will come. These early days with babies are cute and cuddly, but they’re not my favorite. I need sleep and I need time to do something creative in order to be a complete person. Painting, photos, making a quilt - it doesn’t matter what it is, but without it I feel a bit empty. So while I know this time is temporary, and I’m trying to enjoy this time that I know will pass so quickly, it still contributes to me not feeling totally like myself. There is nothing worse than not loving the day you’re having while the entire world is screaming at you to enjoy! soak it in! don’t blink! at the same time.
I know it’s the time I’m going to miss, despite how hard it is. I know it’s the memories I should be savoring, but it’s hard when I don’t stop moving all day because someone is crying and there’s water all over the floor and my shirt is covered in spit up and everyone is hungry and and and. So even if all I do while I’m at work is miss them and wish that I was at home, it’s worth it. And at least I’ll have a few hours where I can drink water, go to the bathroom, and no one will spit up on me!