Although most days I'm back to feeling like myself - calm, level headed, in control, uncaring about obnoxious people - there are still occasional days where I can't turn it off. The anxiety that has popped up sporadically since giving birth makes a reappearance and there seems to be nothing to do but wait it out.
Is it a manifest of everything I worry about but can't control? One of us getting sick before an upcoming trip? Or even worse, E getting the flu?
Is it because I have too much on my to do list? Have I taken on too much? Do I have too many projects half started? (But really, haven't I always been like that?)
Is it still hormones going nuts and messing with my body? What did you do to me, E!?
Is it anger at all the judgement and unsolicited and annoying advice we get? And the inability to make it go away?
The physical symptoms are what drive me nuts. The racing heart, high pulse rate, the inability to relax and calm down. I feel like I'm always twitching, adrenaline pumping non stop. It's exhausting, it's annoying... I just want it to stop.
The good news, is that it usually only lasts a day, and it doesn't happen that often. Possibly just part of a new normal, but I'm also looking into ways to try to reduce/avoid these days completely. A few years ago I was getting heart palpitations pretty frequently, but once I figured out what the trigger was, I was able to mitigate it to a level that they went away. I'm hoping to do the same thing here..
Still... not a bad trade-off for getting to look at this perfect face every day: