Not that I haven’t been, but I’m not sure I’ve been brutally honest lately either.
This pregnancy is hard.
I wasn’t shy last time from letting people know that I didn’t enjoy being pregnant. And that’s still true. Sure there are some things that are fun (getting seats on the T!), but overall, it’s not the best experience for me.
But in my mind, I remembered the last few months of my last pregnancy as okay. I’d adjusted and accepted my fate, and I remember doing okay. That’s not quite the same this time. Sure, there are days that I’m fine and don’t think about it much. But most days? I’m in pain. And I’m so sick of being in pain.
Even though I’m on heartburn meds, I still deal with it. Instead of it being an all day long thing, it might only be for an hour or two a day. But still, during those hours? It’s all I can think of. How much it hurts. How I can’t eat anything. How uncomfortable I am.
My back hurts. My tailbone hurts. I can’t sit, I can’t lie down, and walking hurts. My ligaments are stretched out around this belly and they hurt too. The pain keeps me awake at night, and trust me I don’t need another thing to keep me up at night. My sleep has been non existent. I’m exhausted all day and can barely keep my eyes open, and then 7pm hits and I’m wide awake until 6am the next day. What am I, a newborn!?
It’s just one of those things that wears on you. One day isn’t too bad. You can survive a week. But month after month makes you sad. And when you can’t just sleep or relax because you’re chasing a toddler around, and fighting a tantrum while he flails in your arms, that only makes your pain worse. It’s also annoying that for someone that rarely takes pain medication, all I want is to be able to take an Advil to relieve some of my aches and pains. I think it’s been years since I took an Advil. But right now I dream about the day I can take one again. (One of the many things you’re not allowed to touch when you’re pregnant!)
So I’m surviving, yes. But I’m also in a lot of pain and cannot wait until that goes away! I put a countdown app back on my phone yesterday, and seeing that the number of days until my due date was under 60 actually made me feel better. I’m not sure why that felt better than 2 months, but it did. So I’ll take whatever small victories I can get at this point.
And actually at my last doctor’s appointment, I found out it may be less than that even. I still have one thing they’re monitoring me pretty closely on, which means I’ll be having weekly non stress tests and ultrasounds in addition to the normal weekly visits with my doctor. We’re going to be watching this little trouble maker very carefully!
It does mean we’ll need to be ready for him to come at a moments notice if any of those tests come back not so good, but even if he’s looking as perfect then as he is now, it doesn’t sound like they’re going to let me hit 40 weeks. So the end is near! YIPPEE!
(Except we’re also not ready for you to come at all, baby, so maybe don’t come TOO soon?)